Finding Nemo…

I’m not a big club guy. What should I look for and where should I go to meet women like you?

(Submitted by Sean Oliver)

Far: First of all, wherever you go, don’t use any trite pick up lines.

Jen: Second of all, what is a “big club” guy anyway – a trypdick sammich?

TechBabe: And lastly, clubbin’ is so 90’s! The only thing anyone ever got from a club was a regrettable one-night lay or a pair of dud glow sticks…or a DUI! Not cool. Also, when you do go to a club with the intent to find a chick, chances are, she’s with her girlfriends and would shun you away, she’s with her boyfriend trying to make him jealous, or she’s there with her girlfriends spying on her “alleged” cheating ass boyfriend. Can you say DRAMA!!!! We are definitely NOT those chicks! (Well, not anymore, at least.) Point, you wouldn’t find us there.

You’d find Far at a wine bar, Jen at a “not so trendy, but trendy” martini lounge, and me in any IT meeting. If all else fails, there’s always Twitter. Keys to look for? Chicks with laptops or iPhones.

So there you have it. Good Luck!

When “Yes, Yes, YES” Really Means “No, Nope, Not EVEN Close”…

Why do women fake it? And how do you know if they’re faking? And how do you stop them from faking? And is faking an option for me?

(Submitted by Slanted)

Far: Women fake it when guys suck at sex. How to tell they’re faking it depends on the size of your instrument of pleasure. You can’t stop a woman from doing what she wants. You can fake it by silently hocking up a loogie into your hand and sliding it into the relevant aperture.

Jen: Another reason women fake, is lack of communication, so ask directions men. Women need to give constant updates.  Since most women aren’t visual and can be timid, orgasms to some women aren’t exact so it is a learned behavior to please and to stop the useless pounding…my advice… COMMUNICATE!

TechBabe: I’ll answer in the order asked: (1) She’s just not that into you dude. (2) She’s just not that into you dude.  (3) Grow a bigger one. (4) NO! …there is immediate physical proof. All she has to do is piss and take a peek in the toilet before she flushes your alleged load away.

Alright, alright, let me try this again. When a chick fakes an orgasm, she’s merely giving you a show and may actually be sensitive to your ego—”Big Daddy.” But you probably do suck or she could be tired. Either way, you’re getting laid. The End.